Have another short story offering. Oh, the fun of people.

Not All that Alien

Not that I’m complaining. Heavens no. My mama, now there was a woman never satisfied. And t-a-l-k, gracious, she could chat the leg off a mule. Flat wear out your ears. I know when to hold my peace. Mind turning up the thermostat?  The chill in here, it’s bad for my lumbago.

As I was saying, Burl, he’s my husband, he just had to have this RV, and I’m a good wife, so I didn’t say anything. He can be so difficult. That and him being quiet makes my job all that much harder. If I weren’t prodding him every moment, I’d never know what that man was thinking. But I am, you know, sensitive.

Must be because I’m more in tune with my surroundings. Mind not shining that light in my eyes? You keep it dim in this travel trailer, sort of European styling I guess. Not my cup of tea, but then I like good old American comfort.

But I don’t complain. Sort of close in here isn’t it? All this equipment. You people must really be into this new technology, computers, cell phones, wires running every which way. Looks messy to me.

Now, if you tossed a nice afghan over this chair, people would be more comfy. And they’d be more inclined to sit and visit. Not that you haven’t been attentive. Oh, my no. But a person ought to consider what guests like.

Now where was I?  The RV and Burl. I know you’d never guess, but it was all Burl’s idea to come all the way out here, in the middle of nowhere. Said he wanted some peace and quiet. I don’t know where he gets these whims. But I’m a good wife, and just put up with it. He’d never have stopped if you were here first.

Now me, I like a good visit. And you made it so easy, with your porch light so bright and all. I just felt pulled in.

My, there are several of you aren’t there?  Must have a big family. That’s so nice, all of you taking time to visit with me. And you do bear a strong resemblance, the same big eyes and small chins. Kind of like those Priceless Seconds ceramics.

I do love those little kiddos. You Italian, maybe?  Not that I’d know. My people are all from Del City, Oklahoma.

Oh, don’t touch the hair, I just had it done two days ago. Mavis’s House of Hair. She is so good. Nice tight curls that don’t collapse, if I wrap my head in a satin cap for the first two days at night.

I realize you being bald and all it might sound funny, but you might ought to look her up. She’s done lovely things for a couple of ladies who’ve had chemo. Mavis sells a line of wigs that look very natural. Of course with hair like hers, a body would have to do something to look normal.

About this drink you’ve given me?  It’s a little strong for my tastes. I’ll set it to one side. Sensitive stomach you know. Since I was a baby, I just cannot handle some things. But Burl, he loves his coffee and his hot spicy foods. I just fix it for him and watch him eat.

Of course, I eat right along with him, to be polite. Mama brought me up right. It’s hard, but I don’t complain. I just put that mess he likes on the table with a smile. And watch him eat.

Speaking of pains, my hip is starting to twinge. I’ll just scoot over and put my feet on this box thing. The doctor says I need to keep my joints aligned, and I always do what he says.

When it makes sense.

Sometimes, I confess he suggests the silliest things. Said I should practice silence for twenty minutes a day, that it would help Burl’s blood pressure. You ever heard of such a foolish thing?

Goodness, this box makes a noise. And those lights. Guess it’s not a foot stool after all. But you people really should provide some amenities for guests. I mean, not all of us are little like you. I bet you don’t eat enough to keep a bird alive. You got any doughnuts or cookies?  At least a cup of coffee. I’m a mite peckish. A good host would do that. But you being foreigners, probably don’t know.

Burl said he was going fishing, and you know how that is. He’ll be gone for hours, missing meals and all the best shows on television. Not that I watch it much. That Vanna, she is so cute. Nicer smile than that Erica Kane, or those nasty minded blondes on the Young and the Restless.

You know, I just realized the strangest thing. All this time, we’ve been talking up a storm, and my mouth hasn’t moved. But I know I’ve been talking to you. Don’t that beat all?  My mind has been so busy talking, and I haven’t had to open my mouth, not once. That’s handy.

Wonder if I could this with Burl?  Not that he responds any more than you do. That’s not a complaint, just an observation. You’re quiet, like him. You do seem a trifle agitated, though. Moving around so quick, messing with all those buttons and dials. What you need is a nice quiet rest and chat. It always calms me. My blood pressure is never high. Not like Burl’s.

Speaking of, I best get home and see if he’s back in time for supper. You know how men are, they want food on the table when they hit the door. But it is nice to sit here. He can just wait for once.

Is it my imagination or is my chair moving?  Right to the door as it opens. Will wonders never cease?

I better stand up or this thing will dump me out. This has been a lovely visit. I’m thankful Burl wasn’t here. Honestly, he’d talk you to death. My mama was right, give a man breath and he’ll talk ‘til the world looks level.

I like how your ramp me moves to the ground. Very high tech. I could use one of these.

Well, I never. Here I put myself out, being neighborly, taking time for a friendly little visit, and they close the door, nearly on my heels. And they’ve started their motor on their RV. I can hear it. Foreigners can be so rude.

Well, if they were in that much of a hurry, they should never have invited me in. And they weren’t all that warm and friendly. Not that I complain.

 

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